Esses and señoritas,
Highlights from the nights out during the week are scarce. Thursday night we (the same 2 gringas, the same gringo and I) went to the same bar we had been to before, Pekados. Things were peachy until Kelsey ordered herself and I a shot of Tequila Nacional each. Let me tell you a little something about Tequila Nacional. You know that blue pill in the Matrix? The one Neo doesn’t take? It’s made of Tequila Nacional. Fortunately, not everyone in the group ingested this concoction of liquid Alzheimer’s and alcohol and they were able to relocate Kelsey and I to our respective abodes.
After going out 4 of the week’s first 5 nights, I decided that a calmer night was in order. This was probably a good thing, if I got home again at 6 in the morning my señora would have killed me. I know this because she told me so before I went out last night.
Saturday night the 2 girls and I went to see the Argentine film XXY at Village Recoletta, a building consisting of 4 stories of small theatres and a food court. In case your Movie Title cognitive ability is about as acute is mine, XXY was about a hermaphrodite. Despite what the critics, Canne’s Film Festival and my fellow movie-goers may say, do not watch this movie unless you feel like you do not deserve to be as happy as you are. This movie makes Schindler’s List look like an Olsen twins’ Christmas special. If I wanted to be this depressed when I go out, I’d go to WNBA games.
Because we hadn’t had our share of foreign films, we decided to watch Yesterday Again. It’s basically Mr. and Mrs. Smith if Pitt and Joley were Asian and filthy rich in the movie. However, we got there late and had to settle for Flandres (which I’m convinced is French for “91 minutes you could’ve spent watching competitive Tic-Tac-Toe”). The movie’s director describes it in a pamphlet I wish I'd read before the movie started. And I quote: “Demester, a young farmer from Flandres, is dating Barbe, but seems unable to commit or articulate his emotions. The night before he leaves for the war, she, in an act of anger, sleeps with his friend Blondel, whom has also been drafted…”
Fortunately, I am now fully versed in Incompetent French Directoria and can translate for you.
It’s the age-old story of boy and girl that are born in Hickville, rural France. Girl becomes crazy after she has sex with 3 premature-ejaculators who know each other through their sexual malfunction support group – I made that last part up. Boy and fellow idiot leave for war. Idiot dies. Girl is pregnant by idiot. Boy cries. Audience wishes French directors could be bitch-slapped over the Internet.
I will say the movie had two parts that captured my attention. The first was a close-up of a plowing tractor’s six, shiny, 4-foot guillotines set in spiral formation. The second came after aforementioned Idiot shares the news of his relatively new girlfriend’s unplanned pregnancy with his fellow troops and gets called “the quickest gun in the west.” Zing.
Rest assured the next movie I watch will feature girls whose breasts cost more than their cars and explosions that would make Wile E. Coyote blush. Where are James Bond and John McClane when you need them?
'Tis all for now.
More to come,
grego
P.S. The Rap lyric of the week is "Bounce like you got hydraulics in your G-string."
lunes, 30 de julio de 2007
martes, 24 de julio de 2007
Me "Gustar Presente" Baires
Chicos y chicas,
Orientation's new highlight came with a splash of sweet irony. Program Director Mario Cantarini intended to dissuade us from settling on using mediocre Spanish when in fact – as a native speaker – it made me want to speak worse. During yesterday's lecture on Spanish he told us about a 60-year-old student he had while he was teaching Spanish in Britain. This old Brit decided that even though learning Spanish was a sound business decision, his time was too valuable to be wasted on something as meaningless as verb-tenses. Instead, he would learn the infinitives and work and take it from there. Allow me to explain his new dialect of Spanish-express: "Ayer 'beber pasado' whiskey y hoy yo 'sentir presente' mal." Good job, ol' chap. I could learn a lot from this man. I may have never met him, but something tells me we would get along.
The rest of orientation thus far has been fairly dull. Attached are the notes I took exclusively – mind you – during the aforementioned Lecture on Spanish (don't adjust your screen, that was not a typo). Today I had to survey 3 Argentinians to practice my communication skills in Spanish. Fan-tas-ti-coe. But that was not until after we had a lecture on culture shock. They tell me it was good. I told them so was my nap.
Between a Guatemalan called Daniel and I, we've been trying to tag team this situation and try to get out of the mandatory Spanish classes throughout the semester. (Now, let the record show that this gentleman's Comilla-ness is yet to be determined. He has several symptoms that make me doubt him, particularly his use of 'umm' instead of the 'emm' when speaking Spanish. More on that later.) He talked to a lady at Butler University, Cantarini's boss's boss, who said if we scored well enough on the written exam we had last week we could be exempt from the course. She also mentioned it had never happened. Sounds like chasing rainbows to me. We never get to see for ourselves how well we did and 'well enough' is a rather discretionary term. The whole thing is moot anyway because the COPA people said that it's out of the question. Rules are rules was the explanation they provided; how very 3rd-world-country of them. Way to keep it real.
So I guess on that front, the forecast is looking grim: partially cloudy with scattered shit-storms.
Nonetheless, Baires continues to impress. I went to MALBA (Museo de Arte Latinoamericano de BA) on Sunday with Paula and a gringa Kelsey. This activity was good; the one that followed was not. I got duped into having lunch at the mall nearby with them. At 5 pm, the prospects of having the day's first meal clouded my judgement and made me ignore most mall's main attraction: stores. Lots and lots and lots of stores. The whole ordeal was very disorienting. From what I gather, every single locale in all 4 stories sold clothing and accessories for girls in their early twenties. I must say, however, Paula did buy me ice cream after. Score.
In closing, I give the gentlemen reading this the following situations which require interpretation of guy code, and ask you to email me your answer. I had an argument last night at an allegedly Irish pub called Shamrock which remains unsettled (which reminds me if you are ever in a situation where you can order a drink called Ferment, pass.).
First, if you walk into a bathroom to pee and there's five urinals (all unoccupied) which one do you use, #1 being the one closest to the door and #5 being the one against the back wall?
Situation number 2. You walk into a bathroom to pee and there's 2 urinals and 2 stalls. One of the urinals is occupied, where do you go?
'Tis all for now.
Zip it up and zip it out,
grego
First email
Needless to say this has the makings of a fantastic semester.
Despite a total travel time from SJO to BAs of 22 hrs, the flight down went pretty well, the city is beautiful, yada yada yada... Franky, pull up the highlight reel.
Wednesday night i went out to this club called "museum" with a blonde/blue-eyed 6 from Maine. I had no intention of scoring with her but would have not regretted it had it happened. I've hooked up with American girls in CH, I was now on recon patrol. After paying a A$20 cover (US$6.50) we walk into what a really small mall would look like if it got abandoned and taken over by Smirnoff Vodka and techno djs: a main dance floor with 3 floors of surrounding balconies above it. bars, flashing lights, soap bubbles and sleazy Argentine guys and girls everywhere. Just beautiful. Immediately she goes apeshit. Picture a 6-year-old walking into Santa's workshop. "You don't understand, I'm from Maine. In high school, we threw parties in the woods," she explains. Understood. Being the gentleman I am, I tell her, "be careful, guys here are pretty aggressive." "What do you mean, aggressive how?"
Kindly, a string of 30-year-old guys in their best happy hour clothes explained for me by: ass and shoulder – yes shoulder – pinching and grabbing, pouncing (literally pouncing, as in bouncing of a couch and grabbing her be her shoulders – I can't thank them enough for the opportunity to use such a pun), slurred Spanish pick up lines literally translated into drunken English and more physical invasion of her private space and verbal harassment. She was a sport and laughed it off. I too laughed... mockingly, but just as well... a good night, all around.
Orientation, on the other hand, has been less than appealing. It has been keynoted by a written Spanish exam.
Please REPRODUCE a 200 word op-ed piece on the true value of using celebrities endorsements in advertising. Then write a 200-word description of an object that symbolizes your country.
- Ms. Casey, if we finish early can we leave for recess?
I clocked in at 14 mins and 29 seconds which included a 30 second pen-change pit stop.
There has also been the use of scare tactics to dissuade against walking in dark alleys and proper etiquette with our host families. Very engaging.
Thursday night I attended an open-house/party at the military circle. Rest assured this isn't the name of a trendy club or a euphemism for somebody's totalitarian-like host family. It is a social club for members of the Argentine military forces. it is roughly the equivalent of the Pentagon having a palace built in French academia architecture for all the people who work for them to have a place to socialize. I need only tell you that after WWI the richest and most aristocratic family built it as their mansion modeled after the most popular Parisian trends of the time and imported every single brick and roof tile for it. It was like being at Beast's techno-party. It happens once a month and I will be attending every time.
Friday night i went out to a place called Pekados with two gringas and a gringo. Good times were had all the way into the 6th hour of the morning. Coupled with the extra patience for gringo spanish vodka tonics apparently fortify me with, the night was a great success thanks in no small part to getting my first digitos and having her friend give me and one of the aforementioned gringas a ride home.
tis all for now.
more to come,
grego
Despite a total travel time from SJO to BAs of 22 hrs, the flight down went pretty well, the city is beautiful, yada yada yada... Franky, pull up the highlight reel.
Wednesday night i went out to this club called "museum" with a blonde/blue-eyed 6 from Maine. I had no intention of scoring with her but would have not regretted it had it happened. I've hooked up with American girls in CH, I was now on recon patrol. After paying a A$20 cover (US$6.50) we walk into what a really small mall would look like if it got abandoned and taken over by Smirnoff Vodka and techno djs: a main dance floor with 3 floors of surrounding balconies above it. bars, flashing lights, soap bubbles and sleazy Argentine guys and girls everywhere. Just beautiful. Immediately she goes apeshit. Picture a 6-year-old walking into Santa's workshop. "You don't understand, I'm from Maine. In high school, we threw parties in the woods," she explains. Understood. Being the gentleman I am, I tell her, "be careful, guys here are pretty aggressive." "What do you mean, aggressive how?"
Kindly, a string of 30-year-old guys in their best happy hour clothes explained for me by: ass and shoulder – yes shoulder – pinching and grabbing, pouncing (literally pouncing, as in bouncing of a couch and grabbing her be her shoulders – I can't thank them enough for the opportunity to use such a pun), slurred Spanish pick up lines literally translated into drunken English and more physical invasion of her private space and verbal harassment. She was a sport and laughed it off. I too laughed... mockingly, but just as well... a good night, all around.
Orientation, on the other hand, has been less than appealing. It has been keynoted by a written Spanish exam.
Please REPRODUCE a 200 word op-ed piece on the true value of using celebrities endorsements in advertising. Then write a 200-word description of an object that symbolizes your country.
- Ms. Casey, if we finish early can we leave for recess?
I clocked in at 14 mins and 29 seconds which included a 30 second pen-change pit stop.
There has also been the use of scare tactics to dissuade against walking in dark alleys and proper etiquette with our host families. Very engaging.
Thursday night I attended an open-house/party at the military circle. Rest assured this isn't the name of a trendy club or a euphemism for somebody's totalitarian-like host family. It is a social club for members of the Argentine military forces. it is roughly the equivalent of the Pentagon having a palace built in French academia architecture for all the people who work for them to have a place to socialize. I need only tell you that after WWI the richest and most aristocratic family built it as their mansion modeled after the most popular Parisian trends of the time and imported every single brick and roof tile for it. It was like being at Beast's techno-party. It happens once a month and I will be attending every time.
Friday night i went out to a place called Pekados with two gringas and a gringo. Good times were had all the way into the 6th hour of the morning. Coupled with the extra patience for gringo spanish vodka tonics apparently fortify me with, the night was a great success thanks in no small part to getting my first digitos and having her friend give me and one of the aforementioned gringas a ride home.
tis all for now.
more to come,
grego
Prototipo
These are the first 2 emails I sent out:
Gente,
Mucho ha pasado y viene largo éste.
Acabo de cumplir mi primera semana hábil en Baires. La semana ha sido dominada por nuestro calendario de orientación. Los highlights incluyen:
1. Examen escrito: leean una columna de opinión y REPRODUZCAN los argumentos del autor en 200 palabras usando 7 clausulas de una lista de 10 -- para que, no obstante, sin embargo, por más que, aunque, por lo tanto. Se podrán imaginar que el resultado fue una estupidez. No se puede escribir 200 palabras sobre el verdadero efecto del uso de celebridades en la publicidad usando 7 estúpidas clausulas. Tienen 90 minutos. Después una carta de 200 palabras describiendo un objeto representativo de su país. (Ms. López, si terminamos antes nos podemos ir a Snack?). Clocked in at 14 minutes 30 segundos that included a pit stop for pen-change. Boo-yah
2. Examen oral: Discusión uno a uno sobre temas que incluyeron la necesidad (or lack thereof) de una visa para los argentinos en EE.UU.
3. Un sinnúmero de: "pour favour, low see and tow, uhmmm, y comb owe say dee say"s. Es un poco desesperante más allá de lo obvio. Además, como su español es tan básico, no se puede hablar de temas de verdad o usar palabras trisilábicas.
4. Tuvimos dos excursiones con guías profesionales muy interesantes. En cuestión de cuadras el panorama cambia de académico francés, a bohemio, a colonial y de vuelta a francés.
Pero buenos Buenos Aires sin lugar ha duda ha a ser facinante. La ciudad tiene acento Catalán. Yo creo que de las últimas tres ciudades (porque Chapel Hill está out of the question) en la es que he vivido en los últimos 18 meses, Baires es en la que más me puedo imaginar viviendo. El tema de seguridad me preocupa un poco pero estoy seguro q es producto de la excesiva charla de seguridad dirigida a gringos impulsada por scare tactics. Es interesante porque en la ciudad hay consumismo pero no se siente el rat race de NY. La gente window shop (mucho) como hobbie a todas horas y camino a donde sea q vayan: a la oficina, después del almuerzo, a casa.
Aquí termino este mail pq si sigo me voy a omitir cosas por cansado. Si hay algo que no conté y quieren saber preguntenmelo y se lo contesto independientemente.
Ciao,
Grego
***** Mis números: Cel: 15-3-1716-241. Casa: 4813-2913
Varios avisos. Para poder mandar un sólo mail a un público tan heterogéneo como los es esta lista, los emails que me mando durante mi estadia en Baires van a tener errores gramaticales, ortográficos, anglicismos, frases y palabras en inglés, spanglish e inventadas, argentinismos, malas (y peores) palabras y demás. Si les resulta conflictivo, pueden corregir el mail y reenviarlo al grupo de forma constructiva o dejar de leerlos.En resumen voy a redactar estos mails de la forma que me requiera menos esfuerzo, sean más coloquiales y más claros para la mayoría de los recipients.
Segundo, si se topan con alguna estupidez y no la entienden, déjenla ir. Es probable que sea un inside joke y no me pidan explicarselos. Está la posibilidad de que los termine escribiendo en su totalidad en inglés dependiendo de la demanda por ello de parte de mis amigos de UNC. En vista que el inglés de todos ustedes tienen mejor inglés que el español de ellos, suck it up. Todo esto es para promover que escriba mails lo más frecuente posible. Por último, si están recibiendo el mail y no quieren, o me avisan o salados. Por otro lado, si saben de alguien que querria estar recibiendolos y no lo ven en la lista de direcciones, denle forward.
Gente,
Mucho ha pasado y viene largo éste.
Acabo de cumplir mi primera semana hábil en Baires. La semana ha sido dominada por nuestro calendario de orientación. Los highlights incluyen:
1. Examen escrito: leean una columna de opinión y REPRODUZCAN los argumentos del autor en 200 palabras usando 7 clausulas de una lista de 10 -- para que, no obstante, sin embargo, por más que, aunque, por lo tanto. Se podrán imaginar que el resultado fue una estupidez. No se puede escribir 200 palabras sobre el verdadero efecto del uso de celebridades en la publicidad usando 7 estúpidas clausulas. Tienen 90 minutos. Después una carta de 200 palabras describiendo un objeto representativo de su país. (Ms. López, si terminamos antes nos podemos ir a Snack?). Clocked in at 14 minutes 30 segundos that included a pit stop for pen-change. Boo-yah
2. Examen oral: Discusión uno a uno sobre temas que incluyeron la necesidad (or lack thereof) de una visa para los argentinos en EE.UU.
3. Un sinnúmero de: "pour favour, low see and tow, uhmmm, y comb owe say dee say"s. Es un poco desesperante más allá de lo obvio. Además, como su español es tan básico, no se puede hablar de temas de verdad o usar palabras trisilábicas.
4. Tuvimos dos excursiones con guías profesionales muy interesantes. En cuestión de cuadras el panorama cambia de académico francés, a bohemio, a colonial y de vuelta a francés.
Pero buenos Buenos Aires sin lugar ha duda ha a ser facinante. La ciudad tiene acento Catalán. Yo creo que de las últimas tres ciudades (porque Chapel Hill está out of the question) en la es que he vivido en los últimos 18 meses, Baires es en la que más me puedo imaginar viviendo. El tema de seguridad me preocupa un poco pero estoy seguro q es producto de la excesiva charla de seguridad dirigida a gringos impulsada por scare tactics. Es interesante porque en la ciudad hay consumismo pero no se siente el rat race de NY. La gente window shop (mucho) como hobbie a todas horas y camino a donde sea q vayan: a la oficina, después del almuerzo, a casa.
Aquí termino este mail pq si sigo me voy a omitir cosas por cansado. Si hay algo que no conté y quieren saber preguntenmelo y se lo contesto independientemente.
Ciao,
Grego
***** Mis números: Cel: 15-3-1716-241. Casa: 4813-2913
Varios avisos. Para poder mandar un sólo mail a un público tan heterogéneo como los es esta lista, los emails que me mando durante mi estadia en Baires van a tener errores gramaticales, ortográficos, anglicismos, frases y palabras en inglés, spanglish e inventadas, argentinismos, malas (y peores) palabras y demás. Si les resulta conflictivo, pueden corregir el mail y reenviarlo al grupo de forma constructiva o dejar de leerlos.En resumen voy a redactar estos mails de la forma que me requiera menos esfuerzo, sean más coloquiales y más claros para la mayoría de los recipients.
Segundo, si se topan con alguna estupidez y no la entienden, déjenla ir. Es probable que sea un inside joke y no me pidan explicarselos. Está la posibilidad de que los termine escribiendo en su totalidad en inglés dependiendo de la demanda por ello de parte de mis amigos de UNC. En vista que el inglés de todos ustedes tienen mejor inglés que el español de ellos, suck it up. Todo esto es para promover que escriba mails lo más frecuente posible. Por último, si están recibiendo el mail y no quieren, o me avisan o salados. Por otro lado, si saben de alguien que querria estar recibiendolos y no lo ven en la lista de direcciones, denle forward.
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